Game Report: Merc the Drunk

After a month of busy weekends, everybody finally had time to play that one game again, and so, to make up for lost time, we played it all damn day. 10 hours of gaming, with only a small break for someone to go get a haircut (?), and two levels, to set the stage for the most intense thing the players are likely to tackle. Let’s start from the beginning, at about noon.

The characters left the asylum full of uninteresting NPCs to hunt out Merc the Drunk in the town of Exel. They found an abandoned town in the middle of the Glass Forest, and approached cautiously, only to be overcome by hobgoblins. It was a rough fight, mainly because everyone was trying to figure out how to play again, but they eventually got the goblinkin down, even if the spellcaster did sonic boom the entire party. Still, it established that Merc had some minions, in the least.

Then they came to the dry lakebed in the center of the city. I drew the map, adding a dry dock and a beached boat in the middle to add some flavor. A felt the need for some antics and immediately ran to the boat and got in. This zaniness was responded with by two arrows to his chest. I missed A; when J ran his character, the warlord would never have done anything so reckless and outrageously hilarious.

After about five minutes of hysterics, the hobgoblins showed themselves, a commander charging out of the boathouse and three archers hiding out in their barn. Of course, A was out there in the lake all by himself, and looked like he was totally screwed. So, he takes the first logical action; flips the boat over and hides underneath. This was actually his best chance, because it provided him with much needed defense. The rest of the party just kinda stood there and watched him for a while, then charged into battle as well. Of course, everyone ended up under or behind the boat at one point or another, leading to another unsuccessful team naming attempt: “The Death Boaters.”

After a few turns the hobgoblin archers came out of hiding and then were burnt down, and the party was ready to move on. They moved towards the ominously huge building to the south, and as they were coming up to the door, they caught sight of a cart full of booze pulled by some hobgoblins and guarded by deurgar. Deurgar being dwarves’ evil cousins, because every fantasy race needs an evil counterpart.

Anyway, this made sense to them. Of course Merc the Drunk would have carts of booze delivered to him often. And of course this little caravan is going to attack them. And they went immediately for the booze. A flaming orb landed on the kegs, causing them to explode. Unfortunately, deurgar are resistant to fire, and most of the hobgoblins ducked. The poor archer standing on the kegs, however...

Nothing more exiting happened during this fight, just standard fare, with the group keeping a weary eye on the huge doors. Nothing popped out, however, and they knocked very lightly on the door. They stepped in to find a human, sitting on a huge throne, and surrounded by kegs. Obviously toasted, Merc greets them and starts asking questions. They ask questions in turn. It eventually comes out that Merc is a green dragon, and he drinks because he’s depressed that his forest got turned into stone. Cutting straight to the issue, they ask him about the teleportation pad to the Blood Caravan, and he tells him that he sold it to the deurgar for more booze. He lets them leave his sanctuary to go get it if they promise to bring him more alcohol. They agree, because they really didn’t want to piss Merc off.

After a short break, they went south to the brewery that was providing Merc with all his supplies. They stepped in and immediately started bluffing the hell out of those deurgar. They drag the sole human in there around like a ragdoll trying to position him where they wanted him, and eventually managed to track down the location of the teleporter key. It was sold to a woman named Hotlips (I know, they wouldn’t back down from that joke either), and therefore no longer there.

They somehow negotiated the beer out of the evil dwarves, and delivered it to Merc, once again without incident. So, they finally made it to the clearing Hotlips was staying in, to find two bears just lounging outside a shaped crystal tree. They tried to just walk around the bears, but frankly, after an hour and a half of talking, it was time for combat. Very...boring...combat.

The cave bear is a really boring opponent. It only knows two attacks, neither of which is very dangerous, and with their elite status, they take forever to burn down. So, after eight turns spent dancing around practically harmless bears, it was time to move on, and discover a woman inside the hollowed tree staring at a ring. There were burn marks on her lips, wrists, and other regions...which makes clear where she got her now disturbing nickname. After some conversation, with which they made no progress, she flips out and charges the party, turning into her true form; a dryad.

Being joined by two vine horrors, Hotlips kept the party at bay, depending on her aura of thorns to keep the distances between them. There were many immobilization effects about, but due to the tiny room, it didn’t really become an issue. Eventually her minions were dead and she was badly burned, and she curled into a fetal position. The party decided that she was pathetic enough, and left her alone with her ring, stealing the teleportation key.

Their mission achieved, they moved back to Exel to visit Merc, prepared because they knew it wouldn’t be that easy. They were right, as the proprietor of the brewery was outside Merc’s lair looking for a fight. After confirming that the deurgar wanted all or nothing, they fought, managing to take down the boss in a turn and a half, and they continued to watch the door with anticipation, waiting for something really bad to happen.

In fact, the only bad thing that happened was a deurgar becoming dragon chow. It turned out that Merc was off the sauce, and he wants to thank the PCs. He agrees to give them full range on his lair, and even unloads some of his old hoard, figuring he might as well start over. So, the mission complete, there was nothing left to do than teleport to the Blood Caravan and save that paladin!

Or, that would be the plan, if the Blood Caravan wasn’t still loading. So, they instead made a small trek back to the brewery to completely explode it. They fought some specters, and some bats, and found some treasure and caused some generic mayhem, only to realize that they were tired, and they had leveled up for the second time that day, and now it was time to just stop. So stop we did.

Lessons Learned: Occasionally the PCs actually will consider the diplomatic method, and when this happens, you should be prepared. Also, 10 hours is a long time to be playing D&D, and while it was a lot of fun, it can also be exhausting. After the game ended, I was both fatigued and famished. Also, it’s necessary to be cautious when handing out levels; two levels in one session, even if its twice as long, may cause the campaign to go a little quickly.